Movie Review – P.S. This Is Sparta

P.S. This Is Sparta

Director: Richard Snyder (I Love You 300 Times)
MPAA Rating: R (for intense violence, nudity, sappy romance, and yelling into one’s ear.)
What I Expected: A cheesy romance film about relationships and feelings.
What I Got: The most epic love story of all time.
Appeals To: Spartans, soldiers, women, Gerard Butler Fans, anyone.

Now, I’m not usually one to see cheesy romance films. They usually have the same message – love is a wonderful thing. While I’m sure it is from the many reviews I’ve read about it and countless pictures of couples making out to express their love because nobody would believe they’re a couple if they didn’t, I think the Hollywood industry is trying to fleece us. They give us this short, sweet tale about a couple who clearly love each other but don’t know how to treat each other as such. I’m glad someone finally decided to show us what love is really supposed to be.

Gerard Butler takes the silver screen to show us how awesome love can be. If you want to see him shout into Hilary Swank’s ear for about an hour and a half, you’ve come to the right movie. Gerard Butler is a real man – he doesn’t sleep around on his wife, and he doesn’t let his wife sleep around on him, so this isn’t going to be every other romance film that etches itself onto the 35mm film.

One of my favorite scenes was the hot gates scene, where Gerard Butler fiercely romances Hilary Swank from a rear choke point, if you know what I mean. All the while, he yells in her ear, and finishes by kicking her off the bed, thrusting her deep into a dark pit. The marvelous editing lets you experience each moment in stunning cinematic beauty.

The climax of this movie is an epic dinner scene, where the loving Gerard Butler takes Hilary Swank to the critically acclaimed “Hell,” a popular restaurant where only those with clout may make reservations. Kings and soldiers dine there all the time, or at least so I’ve heard because a modest man like me would never be able to dine in such a fine institution. Hey, if Gordon Ramsay cooks there, it must be ****ing awesome.

To say much more would spoil the experience. You have to see P.S. This Is Sparta, whether you’re a fawning female romantic or a man who needs nude mammary and gore to watch a movie. Neither party will be disappointed.

~ Setsuna Setsunai


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