Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Tragedies aside, Heath Ledger really captivates.

Director: Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins, Memento, The Prestige)
MPAA Rating: PG-13 (intense sequences of violence and some menace)
What I Expected: A direct and sufficient continuation of Batman Begins.
What I Got: A direct continuation of Batman Begins with a gruesome and enthralling performance by Heath Ledger.
Appeals To: Batman fans, Heath Ledger fans, anyone with the constitution to sit through a chilling performance without adult diapers.

Before I begin, let me make the following blunt observations. We’ve all been waiting for this movie since Batman Begins. We’ve all heard about Heath Ledger’s chilling and excellent performance. We all know Heath Ledger died in New York City, and it’s a tragic loss of an excellent talent. All those facts considered, Heath Ledger doesn’t deserve merit simply because this was his last film – a film which may have ended his life prematurely. Heath Ledger deserves merit for delivering a stand-out performance that will chill you and invigorate your senses.

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Game-Off: Bleach: Blade of Fate vs. Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin vs. Final Fantasy IV

I had a flight out to Anaheim to go on vacation, and what better way to spend a flight than wrapped in your girlfriend’s arms in the airplane lavatory as you renew your membership to the Mile High Club? However, I opted for another route: I brought along my DS and three new games. A copy of Bionicle Heroes came with Bleach, but I’m still undecided whether I want to keep that or give it to my nephews who may enjoy it more than I ever will.

Bleach: Blade of Fate vs. Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin vs. Final Fantasy IV

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The Greatest Energy Drink Known to Man

The ingredients are filtered Chuck Norris sweat (because unfiltered would melt the bottle), fire, dragon’s blood, an entire guarana vine, the tears of the children of Vin Diesel victims, isopropyl alcohol, pureed Nintendo Wii, essence of blue falcon, hair of buster wolf, anger, adrenaline, testosterone, green tea, and cherries. I drank an entire bottle and had to kill an entire terrorist camp armed with nothing but brass knuckles, 3D glasses, and a condom full of cyanide with armor of only a wife beater and a Speedo to prevent the rush of awesome from giving me an epic, explosive heart attack. It was an awkward plane ride home.


One last thing before I leave because I care. And now don’t expect an update in at least a week.

Oh, and if you must ask why I didn’t Photoshop this, I have two answers: someone else already did and you can’t hold a Photoshop. Of course, you could peel the label, scan it, shop that, print it to scale, and reapply that onto your bottle, but I’m already wasting my overabundance of free time with other things.

~ Setsuna Setsunai

Coming Soon to CxM: Game Off

What is a game-off? Well, I take two or more games, start playing them, compare them, and see which one I’d rather play more. It’s not necessarily an indication of which game is better: factor in the mood I am in to play certain games and several other random personal preferences. I think it’s an interesting thing to toy with. They won’t be full reviews: rather, they’ll be much like my first impression of Grand Theft Auto IV.

The first game off will be a triple threat: Bleach: Blade of Fate vs. Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin vs. Final Fantasy IV (DS).

Generally, I’m only try to do this with games I haven’t played before, but I’m open to suggestions provided it’s within reason (I can find the games or I already own them, and it’s not going to cost me a lot of money to get into).

I hope it’s entertaining.

~ Setsuna Setsunai

Game Review: Odin Sphere

Normally, when a casual-hardcore gamer like myself speaks, they will tell you that the key ingredient to a successful game is gameplay. Realistically speaking, there’s almost always an exception to the rule that exists somewhere, but if you ask a gamer where that exception lies, they might not have an easy answer for you. Odin Sphere, an RPG beat-em-up from Atlus and Vanillaware, comes close to being the exception to that rule; at the very least, you will find it an exceptional game.

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E3 Announces Chrono Trigger DS, My Life Has New Meaning

Yes, you read the title right: E3 has announced that Chrono Trigger is being re-released on the DS.

The rerelease of Chrono Trigger will utilize the dual-screen technology, as well as integrate a touch-screen interface with the game. Unlike the Final Fantasy remakes, Chrono Trigger is coming back looking like it did back in the 90s, in the classic Toriyama sprite style.

Okay, maybe Chrono Trigger coming to the DS isn’t something that will change my life forever. After all, I’ve beaten the game over 80 times, beaten the game with the lowest possible levels for each character, and have done most of what there is to do with the game. But does Chrono Trigger really need to change my life any more than it did?

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The Quest for a Negative Review

I have been told in the past that I’m generally easy on my reviews. That’s not far from the truth, but I’m a smart man, and as a smart man, I’m not going to pay hard-earned work dollars for something I don’t like just so I can bash it on the Internet. Besides which, writing too many bad reviews makes people come off as cynical bastards or nitpickers who are just looking for crap to whine about.

Of course, that’s usually because they’re really either nitpicking for entertainments sake or looking for crap to whine about to look like a badass. However, if you’re not smart enough to figure that you’re not going to get a compelling drama in a movie like Borat or you simply need to pick on A Walk To Remember for not having tits and gore, you don’t belong on my blog, the Internet, or in my field of existence. If you want to eat, fry the potatoes; if you want to drink, ferment them. Don’t mix that up.

That being said, I too am a cynical bastard and I wish to write a negative review because they’re both fun to write and fun to read. I like a lot of things, and I’m smart enough to push the things I don’t like out of my life – ask a number of women who have dated me. That – as I have so blatantly just displayed – doesn’t mean there do not exist things I dislike. I’m not one of those rose-glassed hippies that think if there’s nothing nice to say about something, say nothing at all; I just don’t really like wasting my time on things that suck.

Unfortunately, there exists the problem that in order for me to write a genuinely bad review, there needs to be something that’s genuinely bad. I’m not going to find things to whine about in something good, or bash something for not being something else. There needs to be something so bad that it has no business being that bad, no matter how inexpensive and/or intentional it was, and yet something I’d have reason to look at without paying too much. Something like the Friedberg & Seltzer movies (Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie…), only I’m too smart to waste time on those.

So, give me some time while I rustle up some bad memories or bad ideas waiting to happen (not of the women, as writing a bad review on a relationship is libel and thereby illegal) and find something to bash on CxM. I just hope whoever wanted to see what a bad review from me looks like is happy once it comes.

And no, my review of Grand Theft Auto IV doesn’t count: I said it was a good game, and the reason I wrote what I wrote is because nobody talks about its obvious shortcomings.

~ Setsuna Setsunai